I saw you this morning on the road but I was in a hurry. They lock the doors if you’re late on top of charging you for a no show. So I was a driven woman and had the exact amount of time to get there 5 minutes before the doors closed.
But when I saw you, I knee-jerk pumped on the brakes and many things happened at the same time. My body immediately said pull over and my brain said that if I pulled over I might not make it to class. And I wrestled for a second slowing on the two lane highway, said a prayer that the next person coming along would pick you up, and kept driving.
On my return home I scoured the road to make sure you had made it OK. I did not see you and my heart felt a huge sigh of relief and in that exact moment I saw you. Smashed shell and blood in the middle of the lane. Grief and regret tore through me.
How do we show up in the world where our individual priorities rub up against collective life? And whose life is priority?
I swear to you we will never get anywhere hardwired the way we are. And I preach from the mountain tops “Take a collective risk!” “Take a sacrifice!” but yet I could not even this morning. Praying that somebody else would take the risk and sacrifice to stop will not save us.
Today, I painfully took in the lessons of interdependence and the connectedness of interbeing. I experienced first hand that every living on this planet depends on not just some of us, but everyone showing up to do the work. Waiting for someone else to take a risk or sacrifice will not heal us.
I could have stopped, and it would have been OK if I didn’t make it to class. I wish I had paused, picked you up, and placed you in the tall grass. I’m so sorry and I will do better next time.
