Learning to say yes to receiving support is often a difficult task for many women. Learning to say no to extra requests and commitments can be equally as difficult. We are people pleasers, do-gooders, mothers saying yes to our children, helpers, volunteers, workers, and women who want to pitch in and get the job done. We take on too much and put others before ourselves.
But there comes a time to set aside the efforts to say ‘no’ and say YES—and that time is in the postpartum.
Whether you have one child or three or seven, learning how to graciously accept help and say yes is a key element to a healthy postpartum period and strong relationship with you and your newborn—and most likely those closest to you, too.
As women struggle to build and maintain their village in the young mothering years, saying yes can help them to find their allies and build a strong network of women and caregivers. In the delicate, yet exhausting time of the first few weeks after your baby is born, say yes to meals delivered by family, friends, and co-workers. The meal deliveries can be quick drop-offs or short visits to allow you time to connect and interact with an adult! It also assures you will have a nourishing meal.
Say yes to the bagger at the grocery store who offers to help you to your car. This is a service many grocery stores offer free of charge but often goes under utilized. When you say yes, you can get your purchases in the car quicker while you get your baby safely into the car without having to juggle cart, baby, groceries, and keys. Even the small things like allowing for some help at the grocery store can make the postpartum time smooth sailing.
Give a loud and resounding yes to naptime! Seriously. The chores, laundry, emails, and social media can wait. Allow yourself the time to nap—especially when the baby is sleeping—to let your body rest, too. Childbirth and motherhood are exhausting. You are not neglecting your family by taking time for yourself to rest and rejuvenate. A tired mama doesn’t make for a happy and healthy mama; when she is sleep-deprived and irritable, she is doing those around her a disservice. More importantly sleep-deprived moms are not the women they want to be. So say YES to naptime.
Say yes to professional help. First-time moms or repeat moms don’t need to go it alone. Sometimes they or their partners will see a need for more than an encouraging word or peer support. Sometimes seeking professional help is a must. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to say yes and ask for assistance. There is a network of therapists, counselors, lactation consultants, care providers, etc. at the ready to help moms transition through this challenging time. And that time can turn from frustration to reward with the proper help. You are not in this alone.
Somewhere along the way women have become independent nearly to a fault. In the months leading up to childbirth and the weeks and months that follow, it is a time to say yes. Leave the no for another day. Now is the time for you to feel safe, strong, and supported. We can all say YES to that!
Written by Kelly Brown
DONA trained birth doula
Lamaze trained childbirth educator
