Dear Doulas,
Q: Ugh. I’m having such a hard time being at home in this new body of mine. Squishy, stretch marks, loss of muscle tone? I’m proud of my body for the work it was able to do growing and birthing my baby but I find that I’m in a state of disgust when I look at myself in the mirror. Do you have any suggestions on how to get over this hump and love my body again?
Signed,
Stranger In Her Own Skin
A: Thank you so much for this question and your vulnerability! The postpartum body is definitely different than your prepregnancy body and many people who have given birth feel detached, disgusted, confused, and longing for their “before” body. I hope these ideas allow you to LOVE the skin you are in and work to change your mindset and appreciation for your beautiful body!
Much love, Chama
“I have come to drag you out of yourself, and take you in my heart. I have come to bring out the beauty you never knew you had and lift you like a prayer to the sky” ~Rumi
The Beauty Myth
I am curious – when was that moment when you began learning to dislike your body? I know for me it came at a very young age when I was inundated with imagery and words which were powerful. There were photographs curated by an industry that wanted me to buy products and have procedures to look like a standard of beauty that most of us cannot come close to attaining.
Over my years of this work I have found that the lifetime of “beauty” programming and internalized shame and self hate really comes to a head for parents during the postpartum time. Combine a softer than usual belly, stretch marks, night sweats, hair loss, pads the size of airplanes and fatigue no double shot latte can combat…enter the postpartum person.
Image from @emotions_therapy via Instagram
Radical self love and just feeling good inside our changing bodies is a full time job by itself but then we are expected to do it in addition to our parenting. It’s unrealistic to “bounce back” for most postpartum parents who are getting little sleep, experiencing hormonal shifts and still healing after birth. And, it’s still unrealistic a year or two more for some!
Radical self love surrounding our bodies is a mindset shift for sure and it is not easy but luckily when you are in the postpartum time, you are in a “window of discontinuity.” This is a time when there is no normal and it is a great time to drop down a disrupter for creating new ways of thinking and developing new habits.
I find that 2-5 minutes of self-care/self-love does the trick and then if I can get to more that is like icing on my cake. But my foundation, my cake, is woven through the fabric of my daily life and does not cost money nor does it take too much time.
Below are a few things that you can thread through the fabric of your daily postpartum life to support the development of a new body mindset.
Changing Your Mindset
1. Get out a pen and your journal or a sticky note and write affirmations to post around your house: “I am magnificent, I honor my body, I love my belly, I love me!”
Post it on your computer, above the kitchen sink, next to the bathroom mirror, somewhere you’ll see it several times a day. Say it out loud when you see it. Repeat it to yourself. Often. Repeat it so often that you believe it to be the absolute truth.
2. Find pictures of women/parents that look like you, and make them your screensavers on your phone, on your computer and have that imagery around your home.
This can be as simple as following body positive Instagram and Facebook accounts and saving some images that resonate with you in an album on your phone. Here are some of our favorite Instagram accounts:
The Body Is Not An Apology
MagaMamas
4th Trimester Body Project
Jade Beall Photography
Practicing Self-Love
3. Touch your own body. Take a minute every day and pick one area to intentionally touch and self massage. Out loud or in your mind, give thanks to that area of your body. A quick massage of your legs and thanking them for holding you up. Massaging your fingers and hands, thanking them for doing the multitude of tasks that need to be done. Take a minute and rub your belly, going deep and feeling the wisdom there. Touch your scars and anoint them with an essential oil, sending it love. It sounds silly, but moisturize! Keep a bottle of lotion around and take one minute to rub it into a dry place can really make all the difference!
4. Move your body and do the things you want to do.
I often say in class, move your body to nourish it. We can use exercise like nutrition to nourish our bodies in ways that feel good for our mind, body and souls. Turn up the music and dance around once a day.
Creating a new mindset takes time, but remember you are in a unique and powerful place to do just that! You have the ability to take steps to find contentment with your body as it is right now. Remember that you’re a powerful, incredible human just the way you are today. You’re strong and resilient and your body and you are so loved!
Do you have a burning question that you haven’t had a chance to ask a care provider or are maybe too embarrassed to ask? We’ve got your back! The 411 is like a “dear doula” column where you get to (anonymously) ask about all those things you think you’re alone in wondering, or that you might be struggling with. We’re here to affirm that no, you are not alone. With evidence-based answers from not only birth doulas, but childbirth educators, experienced moms, lactation educators and more, we’ll help save you from falling down the Google rabbit hole. We wanna know what’s on your mind! Submit your question online.
